ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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