hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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