What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
