he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
