Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
