I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
