I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
