I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
