someone get that fucking seahorse.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
