Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
