Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
