So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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