I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
