So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
