I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
even my farts smell like vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
