if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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