I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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