my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize