did you get engaged???
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize