I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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