The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
