Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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