my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize