Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
