i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
