respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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