Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
