Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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