Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
