My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
false alarm, still single
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
