Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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