Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
