Someone shit on the floor
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
