allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
