They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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