Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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