My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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