NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
