yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
