I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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