I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
