it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
