So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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