I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
