I hate your face
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
