My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
