I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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