Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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