I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
