the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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