If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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