well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
