Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
