I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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