the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
