dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am puke
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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