My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
