first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
