What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i came on her dog
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?