awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...