Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home