Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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