Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.