His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.