Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
