Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
send nudes
from the living room?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
