so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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