There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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