True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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