You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
