Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
